The Journey of Deborah Mae Williams
God I wish this tale weren’t true. A few of you know this story and have asked since I posted my airline adventure that I had to share this with others.
Often when you ask friends over the age of fifteen how their Christmas holiday went, you expect a quick "Fine" or "Good". When a few friends asked me this, I sighed, shook my head and shrugged my shoulders in a disbelief that can only be attributed to my mother.
Yes she gave me life - Yes she fed me, clothed me, and taught me the value of properly moisturizing before going to bed - I love her dearly, but she can work a nerve.
In every "I’ll be Home for Christmas" made-for-TV Lifetime television movie, there’s always the scene of picking up the relatives at the bus station. The college student arriving with dirty laundry, in-laws from Poughkipsie with home-ade fruitcake and mincemeat pies , or the rural relatives who can’t fathom driving in that "damn city with the circles." My Lifetime movie turned quickly into an episode of Seinfeld where "Serenity Now" was cried out many times.
My mother decided that I would pick her up at the early morning hours of December 24th at Union Station, Washington DC. This being her first visit in the house I’ve made a home for the almost four years, I was more than excited about my mother’s first visit from Central Pennsylvania to my little suburban castle. Now did it bother me at the time that she hadn’t purchased a ticket, slightly. Did I think she’d never show up, possibly. Did I think I would go through 12 hours on Christmas Eve with a missing mother in and around the nation’s capital as I drive around in a panic…NEVER!!
A recent relationship study reports that we more often than not look for the personalities of our parents in our search for life partners…boy am I screwed! My mother is a Pre-school teacher surrounded my kids who I honestly believe are bringin’ her down intellectually. I’m ready to commision a study proving that common sense begins to fade when your day consists of teaching boys and girls to go "wee-wee" in the potty.
She purchased the bus ticket, packed and rearing to see her only child in DC, she made her way through central PA, Baltimore and eventually to Washington. Leaving the motorcoach after the 150 minute venture, she’s ready to greet her son when she realizes, "I never told my son when to expect me, well let me call him…Oh no, I don’t have his cell phone number, or home number or home address. Well that’s okay…My son has psychic powers and knows exactly how to reach me since I don’t have a cell phone of my own…not to worry, my son is part Vulcan and can perform a mind-melt with me and see I’m chewing on a Hardees Sausage biscuit instead of joining him for a lovely saturday brunch…Hmmm…whatever could be taking my son so long as to not to know that I’m sitting with half of St. Elizabeth’s Mental Hospital in this bus station.
The journey of Deborah Mae Williams continued to Arlington, Virginia since she totally forgot that I moved in Alexandria four years earlier. No biggie, since she has a uncle along the Falls Church/Arlington border and surely they can locate Ryan. After all, her beloved uncle built the house in 1950, what could have changed in 55 years. Umm… he moved to Richmond…Good grief Mom, do you not get the family memo’s.
So she hitches a ride to her uncles house with a stranger who felt sorry for her since her pittyful son did not use the psychic powers he developed since the radioactive spider struck him during that science museum field trip.
She knocks on the door!
This is where I stop the story to ask a question. Do you have a relative that’s about your age that you haven’t seen each other since you were children? Let’s say 45 years of not speaking, seeing or even hearing about one another. Now imagine after 45 years, you’ve moved into your father’s house, the house you were raised in, lounging with your wife and kids by the fireplace on a crisp Christmas Eve when a knock comes to the door. To greet you is a 5 foot, 7 inch caramel-skinned woman with luggage, gift-wrapped presents and lacking half of her visible front teeth. Worst of all she claims she’s related to you! If anyone here knows a David Williams of North Arlington, thank him for me and give him a pat on the back.
Oh, did I mention she recently had her teeth removed and was waiting for dentures to be cast post-holiday weekend. I told you this was good!
Now again, I know you’re asking what I am doing at this time! Getting ready to sing Christmas Carols…of course…seriously that’s what i’m doing. Not that I gave up, but I’ve tried every effort and this point and am reserved to thinking she wasn’t coming. Trust me this is not my first wacky experience with her, and it won’t be my last. I’m reserved to the fact that she’ll no doubt outlive me and go on doing nutty things till she’s way past 110 years old.
Good news is that she eventually contacted me and arrived safe and sound to Casa Ryan, bad news is 3/4’s of the Williams family in Arlington/Falls Church/Alexandria and 5 pimps outside the downtown bus station believe that I purposely left my poor toothless mother to die at the dangerous DC bus station. Ahh Merry Christmas!!!
